Harem anime is so common nowadays that I would’ve swear that the Japanese government is the one behind this anime phenomenon to counter the decreasing birth rate and thus, the declining economy. As much as you may hate them, along with fan service, they are ever present in modern day anime. Not to mention that, some of us anime watchers may like or even adore that stuff. Thus, after watching a considerable amount of harem anime and reading harem manga (and sometimes even hentai manga), I bring you tips from the anime realm on HOW TO BUILD A HAREM AND BE THE HAREM LORD!!!!
1) You must have a considerably good looks. But NOT TOO GOOD LOOKING! Good looking people can’t build a harem, they get a fan base! (refer to picture below) And trust me, you don’t want a fan base. They’re annoying, noisy and clingy. And girls that are clingy are like leeches, sucking blood off a guy’s dick. I mean, metaphorically of course. It’s not…anything you think it is…and…yeah…I’m don’t…Whatever.
You can’t look too stupid/shabby/ugly/fat/short/chubby either. Or you’ll end up like this. (Refer to picture below)
If you’re either too good-looking or ugly, by the way, then you must have at least inner beauty! Like be a gentleman…But…even if you don’t…(Refer to picture below)
You can still own a harem…
But you absolutely must be…(Wait for it)…(WAIT FOR IT)…fickle-minded.Like bowing all the time. And let girls be like: “Don’t do that! Oh, it’s so embarrassing! But so sweet…” . Like this guy!
2) You must be denser than dense. No, no, that’s not enough! You must be densest of the dense, and denser of the densest and denser than mercury and motha’fucking reinforced concrete and densest of the densest material on earth. And yes, denser than unobtanium, or whatever bloody metal they inject into Wolverine’s claws or something. And all you have to do is say, “Eh?” everytime a girl comes near you or does anything that turn you on and shrug it off. It’s tried-and-tested. Trust me, I know. Our master of “Eh?”s, Raku Ichijo, protagonist and harem lord of Nisekoi is here to teach you how!!!
Like that, got it?
3) And the most important thing is…YOU MUST BE SURROUNDED BY GIRLS FIRST!!!!!! Don’t think girls will actually fall from the sky or something, you must take the first initiative! No matter in whatever you do, you must plan ahead. Always remember: In harem anime, the only reason to why a guy can get a harem as easy as drinking water without planning ahead is because the guy has a “God”, the author that’s always looking out for him. Unless you pray a lot, (though I sincerely doubt God will actually give you a harem) you must look out for yourself! You’re three years old? No problem! Make a lot of female friends at that age, and by the time you’re a teenager, you’ll be surrounded by tonnes of childhood (female) friends!! A harem is formed! Hurrah! (Refer to picture below)
Already a teenager? No problem, go running around the school corridors a lot with a piece of bread in your mouth. That way, you can bang into tonnes of girls that will later be your girlfriends/harem member/lover. Though this guy does it all the time, but till now he’s still single…(Refer to below)
Either that, or you can go to a former all-girls school or a school where the boys-to-girls ratio is about 1:500. That’s where the girls are all crazy and are sex addicts. Then after that, you’ll have 50% of the school’s population staring intently at your crotch. Like this guy over here. (Refer to picture below)
You’re already in your late 30s? No problem as well! All you need to do is to become bloody fuckin’ rich and famous but goes to the pub all the time. Then, you can marry all the women that are hitting out at you then you’ll have a real harem!!!
But honestly, that’s no fun. They’re too clingy.
Anyway, why am I writing about this? Because I’m going to review everybody’s favourite harem anime (God forbid anyone from calling this a romantic anime), Nisekoi! Keep your pants up everyone!!! Don’t let it fall just yet!!!
Feel free to comment on my post and let me know what you think or let me know what anime you would like reviewed. If you liked this post, please support by visiting my site at seeanimeondaniel.wordpress.com
Thanks for your support!
And go get ’em, future harem lord! Be like Ash, go like “Gotta catch ’em all, Pokemon!!”
References: Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun (not a harem anime), Accel world (Not quite a harem anime), The world only God knows (A true harem anime), Madan no Ou to Vanadis (A true harem anime with shiny and sparkling tits, pardon my French), Nisekoi (If this ain’t a harem, I don’t know what this is. On second thought, I wouldn’t wanna know what this is!!!), Danshi Koukousei no Nichijou (a harem anime involving only boys, just joking), Seitokai Yakuindomo (a harem anime involving girls who are psycho, sex addicts and have a fondness for sex toys) and Pokemon (a harem anime involving Pokemon).